End of the Beginning (Story of She Pt. 3)
Written by Rosie Basquin
Waiting endless hours hoping for a change, a breakthrough. Waiting and anticipating, hoping that maybe the change of scenery would make me feel better. Excuses conjured up, trying to justify my feelings, maybe it’s something else, where I am, the job? Not knowing that I was slowly losing me, piece by piece.
I wanted help but no one could hear my silent cries. “No thank you, not today.” “I’m just not in the mood.”
Darkness suffocated me. The more I ran to the light, the darkness caught up. I lashed out, I wasn’t me. I no longer lived, I existed. Daily motions, I was in pain. I slept to forget, so I didn’t have to feel. I wanted it to be over, I needed it to be over.
Days were long, they dragged. Feeling like a stranger inside of my own body I had no one to turn to and nowhere else to go. The individuals I called my “friends” turned a blind eye, trying to mask their betrayal with ignorance.
I sank deeper in the pit, wanting to hurt those around me because I was hurting. Deep pain and sorrow filled my hollow bones. Each day felt like another losing battle. The most valuable parts of me were broken and I had nothing left. What else to do? To call it quits.
Then the light found me. The light grabbed me and bolted so fast it was like lightning. A shift, a change. The light helped me see. My world went from dark to light, the sun shined oh so bright, warm on my skin. It felt good, and for the first time, I felt alive!
I fought for me, for my freedom. And just when I was losing hope she found me.
She was the light. She was my light. She rescued me from my darkest pits, helped me see there was still good left in this world. Every day, she was patient with me. She didn’t hurt me, she wanted me to heal. She broke me in a way unimaginable, but without her I wouldn’t be me; the best version of me.
“May you forever be kind to your mind body and soul and love all of you with all of you.”
The Story of She is a trilogy mini fiction series I created to express a story of a woman who experienced trauma and triggers and how she had to adapt. In closing of this series, I wanted to shed light on a much more important and serious matter. The reality is, there are those around us who suffer from hidden trauma every day.
May is the month of mental health awareness and I wanted to emphasize the importance of mental health. Being aware of your mental state and doing what is necessary to care for your mind is imperative to your self-growth. If you are suffering from anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts, you are not alone and there are people who want you to get well. Seek medical and emotional aid in any way that suits best.