Updated: Sep 19, 2020
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The storm raged and the winds blew, knocking me off my steady ship. The foundation I made for myself. A small boat, filled with all my earthly desires: lust, pride, revenge. I made comfort in this reservoir of despair. Trying to be the light on a corroding ship, there was not enough room for me and my baggage. Something had to change, I knew I needed to go deeper, but I did not want to let go. I could not let go of my worldly possessions, the very things that brought me comfort. I would not let go of my belongings. This is the foundation I made, I am comfortable here, nothing is wrong with the stuff in my boat!
A storm like no other, knocking me off my path. Without warning, I didn’t even see it coming. Shipwrecked and tossed out into the deep ocean. Filled with deep sorrow and regret. I should have let go, tossed overboard what I did not need. Maybe if I would have just jumped, or made the decision myself of what I no longer needed, this reality would have been easier to grasp. Maybe if the storm came with a warning or a memo I would have been better prepared. However, I was not. Instead, I was lost, lost at sea, and I could not believe, this was happening to me.
I cried out in anger, “God how could you? I’m a good person, and you are merciful, how could you let me down?” My enemies pointed and laughed in my agony, secretly delighted in my misery. God's not so good, is he? They mock. Deep in my despair, I went under. Why fight the current? I was already defeated. No boat, no baggage, just blue ocean water surrounding me.
Thunder crackled in the sky and lightning struck. “Take me, Father! I am not worthy. I have been condemned by my enemies. They laugh at my misery. You brought me out here and now you have forsaken me. I no longer have the will to live, or the desire to fight. Drown me, Lord strike me with your smite!”
The heavens opened up and let down heavy rain, too thick to even see through. The large raindrops pelted on my shriveling skin. Cold, hungry, and lost. I closed my eyes, ready to end it all.
Then a voice. Audible. Bold. Loud. Deep.
“Get up my child, for I will bring you rest. Trust in me and my ways. This storm will only strengthen your bones. I needed to rid the baggage, for they cannot be carried to where you are going. You are on the way to the land of milk and honey, where you will lay down your pride and pick up peace. You will lay down lust and find true love. You will lay down your revenge and seek guidance. You will leave all that is not of me, and I will wash you clean, I will make you anew. You will rise.”
The storm began to bellow, pouring rain, the winds howled and the waters swirled. In the midst of the storm, fear scurried away. A sense of calmness and peace engulfed my spirits, for the Father has led me beyond my own borders, to show me His greatness. He governs the sky and the seas, and everything in between.
The righteous is just that, they cannot be swayed. Even when they face dismay, they will come back to their source.
I know who I am, and I know who He is. I will continue to seek him, and follow his will. Lost at sea? No, I have been washed clean.
Planted firm in the spirit, surrounded by the peace of the father. A new foundation to be created, a new life to be birthed. Finding my way back to dry land, the sandy beaches.
The angels fight on my behalf. My foes who laughed in mockery of my pain will reap what has been sown. I will have the last laugh, I will feast before my enemies. As it has been commanded, I will rise.
Like Joseph. His brothers sold him to the enemy and made him out to be the bad guy. He was forgotten, looked over, made out to be a fool. Yet the Lord redeemed him and gave him more than he could ever imagine, guess or request. The very people that turned their back and ridiculed him now begged him for forgiveness. He put his hope and faith in the Lord and although many years went on before he saw this goodness, it all worked out in Joseph’s favor.
Even though the people were filled with doubt, the Lord still performed miracles and guided Moses and his followers across the sea. The very sea that suffocated and drowned the conquers chasing after them.
Job was tested in his faith. His friends believed he must have done something wrong, but he was a righteous innocent man. After months of dismay, the Lord restored him with even more. Job remained faithful, he believed God would restore him.
I will stay faithful, and I will continue to believe, my pain will turn into purpose.